how not to spend your per dium

Quickly discovered that Hamburg to be the sex capital of Germany. Every second building was a sex shop; with most buildings in between selling batteries…and it was win’s birthday tomorrow.

It’s not impossible to have a family weekend Hamburg, so long as you remember: the toy shops are not for children; the video shops, despite advertising “Sex and the City” and “Animal Farm” will not have the same as in blockbuster ; and if you’re shopping for winter jackets, steer clear of “The Leather Dungeon” ,as it may be hard to explain to airport security why your feet are chained to your nipples, especially with a rubber ball in your mouth.

First day included good food, great beer, and window shopping on Hamburg’s oxford street of smut, two hours at a fun fair, live music in the night, an exotic dance bar, and Burger King. A lesson on how not to spend your per dium.

“Sommerfest”, our venue was incredible. The Germans know how to put the “art” in “farty” and they know how to look after their guests. We had a Ping Pong table in the wings… best warm up I ever did. Might request one from now on.
This was the last show we were to have with Ming, the company savoir who flew in from Switzerland at last minute, learned both pieces in the time Hofesh went to get a coffee, and allowed us to start the tour in Amsterdam. After blessing us with this short period it was time for him to go back to his studies. He gave me a friendship bracelet and a pat on the back. If you know Ming, you know this to be the Elliot and E.T of tender goodbyes, and I was deeply touched. That was until I realised he’d given a friendship bracelet to everyone in the company, Mr bloody nice guy.

Both nights of the show were really well received and even if they hadn’t been, its hard to feel upset when there’s a back garden BBQ with bar; a famous DJ playing until two; an indoor garden, a sound exhibition, a French hip hip group, a famous Cabana band, a fake-snow forest, and a man vacuum packed in a plastic bag. What better way to mark an occasion than a man vacuum packed in a plastic bag?

Good shows, great after shows. Bring on Budapest
High point: My girlfriend came to visit me…she must have known what Hamburg was like.

Exotic dance bar: She danced “Hey Macarena” with as much rhythm as she had clothes.
“Amazing German beard” spotting. Most men over the age of thirty keep a moustache instead of keeping a garden.

Low point: Ming goes back to his super-human planet. We will miss you.